and you said cock pushups were impossible
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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