90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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