I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It's just like the Real World with babies
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
