I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize