She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
