I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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