Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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