got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
