Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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