I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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