if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Randomize
