During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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