We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
