whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
