i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
