my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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