Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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