There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
