only if we run a train.
done.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
