I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My day in three words: secret purse cake
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
