Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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