i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize