my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
