Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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