if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
