You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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