My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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