Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
