I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
