I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
