I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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