You're my little dorito
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
did i just pee glitter
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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