SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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