I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize