i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
