my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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