Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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