my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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