I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
