Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
