Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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