it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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