they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
