You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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