I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
