Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Randomize