oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
vagina is talking i cant
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
