I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
drinking out of a sandbucket again
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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