I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
