Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
