I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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