Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
