I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
