where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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