i jhust puked up my retainher.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
