Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
