Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
