im having a threesome with these popsicles
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
