Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Randomize
