whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize