I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
