Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
