i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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