I just cut my nipple shaving
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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