do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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