I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
