I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
