is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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