Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
