my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
