Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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