I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
