Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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