is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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