He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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