No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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