Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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