I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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