i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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