Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
