Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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